In business we spend a lot of time convincing the other people that they need what we’re offering.
It’s impossible to know what the group of people needs but we make an assertion, put action behind it, and see how it plays out.
In business this is great.
But in relationships it’s better to just ask what the other person needs rather than spending time guessing and putting energy into filling a need that isn’t needed.
Talent shows and contests used to be a great way to get discovered…plucked from obscurity and launched into stardom.
A bunch of acts submit material to an unknown submission board. The board picks five or six for the talent show. A group of judges say who won. The winner is elated and gets a prize and respect. The losers are sad and gear up for next year.
But now the losers don’t have to wait until next year..and the winner only gets a few minutes to celebrate before the Talent Show is asking for more.
The problem with talent shows back then and the Talent Show going on every second of everyday is that no one knows the criteria. And in the Talent Show no one knows who the judges are or what they’re judging or even what the prize pack includes.
We’re all familiar with what a dramatic reading is. It’s a lot like dramatic speaking (which we’re also familiar with), only the words come from a book or a poem or another form of literature.
More emphasis and movement and inflections and hand gestures and eye brows up or down.
But the idea of ‘dramatic hearing’ is something that’s easy to get a little too good at without realizing it…taking a few words or sentences someone says and extrapolating an entire narrative about the intent of the speaker, the near and distant consequences, what it will mean for me, what does this say about them, and how does that effect my connection with them.
Lay down the dramatic hearing and simply listen.
Why are you doing this?
Where do you want to end up?
What are you willing to compromise to get there?
What is non negotiable?
What do you lack?
How will more money help?
Who has been down this road before and can you gain access to learn from them?
What will you have to give up?
Who will you have to part ways with?
Where does your benefit and their benefit intersect?
»» Bonus…Who could you have these conversations with?
I don’t have anything to wear…what we mean is…I don’t wanna wear any of this stuff.
Is this any good…what we mean is…do you like this?
Getting up on stage makes you nervous…what we mean is…getting up on stage makes me nervous.
In the same way…
Beck and call…we mean…beck and call.
Don’t leave your feet (basketball reference) (also impossible to leave your feet)…we mean…don’t leave the floor.
Watch your head (also impossible)…we mean…don’t hit your head.
And finally the one I was corrected on deep into adulthood…intensive purposes…we mean…intents and purposes.
The better we get at saying what we mean, the better we can find connection through our intent.
If you say yes to the opportunity, you’re saying yes to the preparation that goes along with it.
Showing up prepared isn’t a posture you’re born with. It’s not something you have or don’t have. You get to choose. You get to get better at being prepared. It’s an acquired skill.
Some of us were lucky enough to have it modeled for us or instilled in us by parents, coaches, or the good kind of peer pressure…When you hang out with the type of people who prepare well, you don’t wanna be the odd one out.
Do the work beforehand. Everyone benefits. Everyone learns that you’re the type of person who cares and can be relied on.