When you’re first starting out in band there are no 15 passenger vans, no tour buses, and no hotel beds to rest your head on at night after the show. The hope is that someone in the band happens to have a friend of a friend of an uncle who lives within an hour of the venue.
It’s late. You just played the gig and finished loading your gear out of the venue around 2am. You try to find some food on the way to the house you’re staying at, but it’s all back roads so it’s a no-go. Hopefully they’ve got some late night snicky snacks at the house.
You’re always more lucky when the people you’re staying with are a married couple. Sorry single people, it’s tried and true, you’re not as good at hosting bands. Also, the older the couple is, the better…to a point.
They’re kind of excited to have a rock band staying at their house so they leave a note on the kitchen island saying they’ll have breakfast ready in the morning around 8am.
Great. Just great. By now it’s 3am. You want the FREE breakfast pretty badly and it’s going to be good. But that 8am number is screaming at you with a force of a thousand bass amps.
So this is the part I love.
A couple of the people in the band love mornings anyways, so they’re definitely going to be up. Then there’s another one or two who will be polite and wake up at least in time to be at the breakfast table by 8:30am.
And then there’s the straggler.
I love this.
When he woke up he heard chatter and laughter in the kitchen and knew he was in trouble. He knows it’s well after 10am (much less 8 or 9) as he’s walking downstairs. And when he finally rounds the corner to make his entrance into the kitchen, the comments just begin to flow. It’s merciless. It’s pomp and circumstance dedicated to this sorry, late, soul.
“Weeeeeeeell, look what the cat dragged in”
“Your eyes are puffy”
“So nice of you to join us/the land of the living”
“We thought you’d died in your sleep”
“Rough night?”
“If you’d have waited a little longer you would have been on time for lunch”
“You’re late”
“Don’t worry, we made the coffee extra strong”
Literally all of these plus a lot more get said almost at the exact same time. Everyone’s a comedian. The straggler doesn’t stand a chance.
A similar situation probably happened for some of you in your Christmas celebration this morning. The last one into the room gets it handed to them.
I’m not sure why this happens, but it happens every single time. You can set your watch.
How do I know this?
See you at 10am. Bite me.
