If I let you play with my toy train, then you have to let me play with your toy train.
If I give you a back rub, you’ll give me one, right?
If my company gives you millions of dollars, will you do everything you can to swing the vote to my benefit?
The idea of reciprocation is ingrained in us early and often. It’s incredibly powerful. It’s why there’s free samples at the grocery store. If we’re given something, we’re more likely to buy that food…partly because we like the food and party because there’s part of us that feels the need to reciprocate.
We even have words for people who don’t follow the rule of reciprocation, the people who only take and don’t give back: mooch, leech, user and parasite.
The thing about reciprocation is that there has to be an understanding that someone went first. That someone offered something up to begin with. Then the idea of reciprocation can unfold.
Offering up something first is scary because you don’t know if it’s going to be reciprocated, or reciprocated to the level you’d like. Or are these people freeloaders and don’t care about the rule at all? They’re gonna take what you give and that’s it.
It’s incredibly scary to go first, and really pretty comfortable to go second.
Saying, thinking, believing, acting out: “We’re going to give you everything we have tonight”…is scary.
It puts you in the lead role. It says you’re going to go first, you’re not going to wait for someone else, the audience doesn’t have to worry about it.
You’re going for it.
The attitude of “Give us everything you have, and we’ll give it back” or “We’ll take what the audience gives us”…is pretty comfortable.
It’s fine, but the show will constantly be dictated by the audience instead of you…as you’re waiting for them to go first. You’re looking to them to set the rule of reciprocation in motion.
Of course you’re not a freeloader and you’ll participate in the rule…but the real pros and leaders wait for no one…they go first. They lay it on the line.
Reciprocation is a powerful tool and the best way to use it to your advantage is to go first.
But no need to get silly.
p.s. Another powerful piece of the rule is looking at what it is you are actually offering. What is it you are extending to the audience? Is it a good, meaningful gift? Is it a gift they want? And how do you hope they reciprocate?
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I’m always interested in your perspective, whether affirming or dissenting. Continue the conversation anytime: gabethebassplayer@gmail.com